“What I want to tell you all is already in the car manual. But I think we don’t have time to discover on our own, so let me conduct a crash course and be done with it,” Naz said.
And so the ZIL members lined up facing the Rolls Royce in the garage.
“Gather close, everyone!”
“Naz, you’re not getting into a fight. No need to hold a big socket wrench while teaching us about the car,” Angel spoke for everyone.
“I like these things. Besides, I don’t use a teacher’s ruler or pointer.”
“It does make me uncomfortable when you wave it around to make a point,” Riley admitted.
“And since you make many points, you wave that around a lot!” Angel added.
“How about I get you a chopstick?” Marilyn spoke out. “I’ve noticed that we have more chopsticks on board than people to use these things.”
“I do use chopsticks,” Stacy spoke out. “Although we won’t miss one, if Naz would have it.”
“There’s no need,” Naz produced a 20cm long taper punch. “This works well as a pointer.”
…
Nobody commented that the taper punch was made of solid carbon steel.
…
“Firstly, the paint job. This is a good quality paint job. But more than that, it’s a unique paint job,” Naz said.
“It was done as part of an experiment with vertically aligned nanotube arrays, and absorbs 96% of light falling on it.”
“Um, what does that mean?” Marilyn asked.
“Tell me something about the chemical composition?” Angel’s curiosity was piqued.
“Just give us a simple, mass-media friendly answer,” Stacy said. “Angel, you can explore the technical details of the paint later.”
“All right,” Naz waved her hands. “Just to explain. Normal black paint only absorbs about 90% of all light falling on it. So lots of researchers have been trying to create darker paint. The Benefactors got someone’s early prototype paint. It’s not the darkest black paint that exists, but already is very, very dark.
That’s why our car is very hard to see at night.
It’s really perfect for use in Russia, since we’re at very high latitudes and nights are generally long with most roads having no street lighting. We can park the RR under a tree, go on a mission and nobody will see it.”
“Ooh…” Naz’s teammates dutifully went.
“Then there is the bodywork. Rolls Royce Phantoms use aluminum, so they are lighter. This reduces the likelihood of being stuck in mud. They may be two and a half times heavier than Lada Nivas, but are still far lighter than ZIL or Ural trucks.”
…
“And the doors,” Naz opened the doors. “Here, look. This is normally a place where they hide Rolls Royce branded umbrellas.”
“That doesn’t look like an umbrella,” Stacy said.
“It’s not. It’s a bean bag shotgun. We have two of these – one in each front door,” Naz gestured.
Stacy’s eyes narrowed. Bean bag guns were considered nonlethal and humane weapons. But they still led to occasional deaths, so their usage was not ideal.
“What about the rear doors?” Marilyn reached out to open a door, then thought better of it.
“Rear doors conceal two small single-shot bazookas, one on each side. Not taser weaponry. The manual says they are sufficient to take out light helicopters, armored cars or another heavily modified car with up to B7 levels of protection. Of course, I haven’t tried firing them.”
“Whew,” Riley passed a hand over her blonde hair. “I didn’t think I was getting into this when I agreed to join ZIL.”
“It’s protection,” Naz said firmly. “And like most weapons, best not used.”
“We are going to move around the ex-USSR,” Marilyn observed. “And there are lots of criminals and local cronies who are very well armed. We might need these weapons someday.”
“Next,” Naz gestured. “The run flat tires. Rolls Royce offers these as standard equipment. But what makes us unusual, is that on board the MMM, we also have snow tires and studded snow tires that are run-flat. These will greatly improve our ability to travel by land.”
Now Naz pressed some buttons to lower the windows.
“As for the windows…”
“They’re far thicker than ordinary cars, but still not as thick as in bulletproof windows that I’ve seen,” Stacy noted.
“Ah you were looking at some politician’s state limo?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it used to be that bulletproof glass is made by thick glass of multiple layers, different films and types of plastics together. But ours is a practical compromise. Our Benefactors are not expecting us to be the subject of assassination attempts by trained snipers with high powered rifles, so we don’t need the highest protection.”
“Makes sense,” Angel said. “So it won’t be too heavy.”
“That’s right. In Russia we can’t just worry about fuel consumption. Too heavy also adds to the costs of maintaining our airship. And we don’t want an overly heavy car being bogged down on muddy roads.”
…
Muddy Roads.
Oh yes, muddy roads.
Stacy had interacted with many Americans before. When they were asked to associate Russia with something, typically the answer would come from Cold War propaganda.
Nukes.
Strong army.
Military menace.
Red October.
A journalist who actually had to go from place A to B for her story, would associate Russia with other things. And muddy roads was near or at the top of that list.
…
“We don’t have a heavily armored car. That would increase the weight too much for carrying on an airship,” Naz said. “Instead the panels harbor multiple layers of silk and aramid fibre. These make the car modestly bulletproof.”
In fact I do have to mention this, but we have a special warning from the Rolls Royce Motor Company itself. This RR is noisier than normal Rolls Royce Phantoms…”
“It’s considered noisy?” Angel asked. “Quietest car – or vehicle of any sort – I’ve ever been in. I can’t hear the road at all.”
“The average Phantom has over 120kg of acoustic insulation and glass windows that are 6mm thick to deaden sound. On our car, we still have largely the same quantity of insulation and windows that are the same thickness. The difference is that the material used, is more focused on safety than sound dampening. Such as swapping out the acoustic felt and foam for multiple layers of bullet-stopping silk and thin aramid fibre.”
Riley raised a hand. “You’ve mentioned aramid fibre twice by now. Um, what is it exactly? Some kind of carbon fibre?”
“Carbon fibre is brittle; it can break,” Naz replied. “As for the aramid fibre… well… what do I call it…”
“Aramid fibre is the generic name,” Angel said. “When made by the DuPont company, it is called Kevlar.”
“Ah.”
“I’ve always found these very interesting chemically…” Angel said.
Naz rapped gently on a window with her taper punch.
“Our 6mm windows are multilayered like bulletproof windows, and provide stopping capacity against handguns wielded by the average street thug. No regular Makarov or Tokarev is getting past these windows. These won’t withstand a fight against top end handguns, a machine gun or a high powered sniper rifle though. So if some villain pulls a Desert Eagle, everybody duck down!”
“Being protected from the average criminal is good enough,” Stacy said. “The rest of the time, we should be using stealth and picking our battles, not charging the car recklessly into battle.”
“Yes, I do think so too,” Naz nodded. “Our RR will keep us safe in most situations. A casual crook can’t just hold us up at a traffic light by waving his pistol.”
“Do you have the same duck down functionality that Arvoh has?” Marilyn asked suddenly. “I can drive the Lada crouched down.”
“Oh yes,” Naz touched her cap as though she was a saluting chauffeur. “This is a cool something that did get implemented in our car, correction, cars.”
Naz indicated the dashboard.
“Now, what happens if we’re in a fight and others are shooting at us with high powered rifles? Our windows are not so invincible. They’ll be shot out for certain. And to make these totally bulletproof would just make it too heavy for an airship.”
“We’ve got to make a run for it,” Stacy said.
“Yes. And the car doors are both much thicker, as well as well insulated, by many layers of bulletproof silk and aramid fibre. So we’re going to be safe if we all duck down. But then how am I going to drive? Simple. I touch a button, and the cameras relay videos of the outside to the digital dashboard screen. Now I can see front, and even side or rear, without raising my head higher than the car door.”
…
“All right,” Naz waved her hand. “Now for the inside. This car is pretty luxurious. It’s the Phantom Extended Wheel Base with a long wheelbase and a partition wall. In that sense it looks like a lot of luxury cars in Russia where your average Arse Oligarchenko sits at the back discussing business, and the driver doesn’t get to hear any conversation.”
Naz knocked on the partition wall. “This is known as the Rolls Royce privacy suite.”
“It did make me feel as though we’re being pretty hierarchical,” Stacy said. “My Benefactors told me they wanted me to be the Leader right from the start because of my aura and magic potential. Even though I do recoil from being treated like a tsarina or party general secretary.”
Naz stretched lazily. “The privacy suite is luxurious, but unlike on normal cars, the privacy goes both ways. It’s a subtle but practically very important difference.”
“Meaning?”
“Leader is accountable to the teammates too?” Riley asked.
“Yes. Our Benefactors were expecting us to think on our own. Either front or back can choose to cut off their communications from the other. Or listen in while blocking sounds coming from their side.”
“Ah,” Stacy thought. “This means that I can be talking, or interviewing somebody in the back seat. While you and Riley eavesdrop and make plans in front.”
“Tak. This is totally not like how the average Rolls Royce privacy suite works. And the privacy suite has this opening here,” Naz pointed. “That allows items to be passed between front and back. On normal Rolls Royces, only the rear passengers can control this. On our RR, the front also can control the aperture.”
“I think this will take most bad guys by surprise.”
“Exactly. Nobody will be expecting that we actually have the same status, so driver and front passenger can take initiative too. Riley can just turn around, open the aperture and shoot somebody with her taser pistol.”
“Oh perfect… well, I do hope that that’s never needed. I do like this car.”
“It’s fine. Taser gel is easily cleaned and will not cause any permanent damage,” Riley said. “It’s just sticky and nasty like, uh, um…”
Riley blushed.
Marilyn’s big green eyes had rolled in Riley’s direction. “Like?”
Marilyn was imagining some horrible Lithuanian food. From the perspective of Uzbeks, Lithuanians and Belarusians lived in marshes and swamps where nothing was ever dry. And probably ate frog eggs when the harvest failed. Maybe even tadpoles. Eek!
“Never mind,” Stacy rescued Riley from any embarassing comparisons. “Sticky starch can be cleaned off.”
…
“All right,” Naz gestured at the glass panel. “This is an electrochromic glass panel. If you touch a switch from the back, it will frost the glass so the driver can’t see what is going on in the back seats.”
“Ah, I’m not going to be doing anything…” Stacy began.
“Nothing involving ‘taser gel’ in the back seat, I’m sure,” Angel deadpanned. “But those bench seats are sure luxurious. You can lie straight down…”
“Ahem!” Naz raised a stern finger. “The electrochromic glass panel. When activated, it becomes frosted over and blocks the rear from being viewed by the front. So you’d think the driver can’t see anymore. But on this car, unlike the normal Rolls Royce, we can.”
Naz indicated the GPS on the dashboard. “Despite giving the illusion of privacy, Riley and I will still be able to view what’s going on the back through cctv cameras.”
“Ah, so Riley and you can get a good view of any back-seat action,” Marilyn said.
“Even if someone is going to threaten Stacy in the back seat, we will see it and can take action,” Naz ignored Marilyn.
“Not if I’m also in the back seat,” Angel lifted a fist.
“Yes, but you might not be,” Stacy pointed out. “You give everyone the impression that you are a bodyguard, so you’re the first person they will request to leave if they want to get me alone.”
…
“Now here’s another little touch that shows we’re not your average Oligarchenko or Kleptocravich,” Naz indicated the center of the rear bench seat. “What do you think is concealed there?”
“Guns?” Marilyn asked.
“Could it be the standard Rolls Royce two-bottle champagne chiller?” Stacy had interviewed rich people at fancy events before, so she had seen plenty of Rolls Royces.
“It’s indeed a refrigerated compartment,” Naz said. “Definitely capable of keeping our drinks cold. But again it’s equipped in a practical, not luxurious fashion.”
And Naz opened the compartment to show everyone various bottles, tubes, containers and other paraphenalia.
“Looks like a cooler for biological samples.”
“Could come in useful,” Stacy mused. She thought about a deeply troubling and still unresolved instance of mass poisoning in Chechen schools not so long ago. The authorities had covered this up. Perhaps with ZIL’s current equipment and vehicles, it would be possible to take samples for independent lab analysis?
Naz looked very eager to show off the next special function.
“And now consider the suspension. Rolls Royce cars have a famously good suspension, of course, which makes the ride comfortable. If you notice, this car is pretty tall…”
“It’s taller than me,” Stacy noted quietly.
“… and it’ll get even taller at the press of a button. Which is perfect because we’ll often be operating on poor roads, and need extra clearance.”
Pressing a button, Naz demonstrated how the suspension could be raised by up to twenty centimeters.
“Won’t be so comfortable, and will ride more like a Land Rover. But that extra height guarantees we won’t get stuck. In Rolls Royce parlance, we will not fail to proceed!”
Riley couldn’t help but start clapping. Not getting stuck in rural places in a very visible Rolls Royce was also one of her concerns.
“Speaking of which,” Naz went to the boot. “Rolls Royce cars nowadays don’t come with spare tires, since they already have run flat technology. Some owners have their own fridge or wine cooler installed in the boot. But our Benefactors are more practical than that. Part of our boot space is given over to a pretty powerful battery powerbank. That is quite important because we may be stuck in cold or remote places during our missions and require enough electrical power to keep a tent or space heater going.”
“Just how much does that battery contain?”
“It’s a collection of six battery packs in the boot actually, so we don’t need to depend on any single one. Or we can separate them for missions. There are also two tent heaters and a big quilt tent with additional felt blankets in there,” Naz said. “If we drive in Yakutsk or Khabarovsk and decide to camp overnight in the car, we need both to warm the space sufficiently.”
“Rolls Royce cars don’t come with heating for cold places?” Angel asked.
“It’s the fuel consumption that is a problem. We shouldn’t use its onboard heating if we’re camping overnight. Also the battery packs and tent heaters can be taken out.”
Seems our RR came prepped for cold weather missions after all, no matter what the Benefactors claimed they originally intended, Stacy thought to herself.
Then some thing hit her mind.
“Naz, you just used the example of Yakutsk. Do you know how cold Yakutsk really is?”
“I assumed something like Omsk or Khabarovsk,” came the reply. “Average would be minus 20 in winter, record minus 40?”
“No. Winter average is minus 40, record is lower than minus 60,” Stacy said sternly. “Without wind chill. If you turn off a car engine in winter, we’ll never be able to get it on again unless we start a fire and heat the engine first for hours.”
…
There was a pause. Everyone had grown up in far warmer parts of the USSR. Nobody knew how to deal with cold as extreme as that.
Stacy went to the back and examined the car. She had not done so earlier in the Stealsky mission at Rublevka.
“What’s this?” Stacy pulled out something. She had seen it before, but didn’t use stuff like this normally… and why was it in the back of a car?
“The context threw me off too,” Naz said. “A flamethrower belongs in a kitchen. But this is mounted against a corner of the boot, so it’s obviously supposed to be our equipment. Maybe it’s intended for short range defense?”
But something went off in Stacy’s head like a light bulb.
AHA.
“Naz, the tent, the blankets, batteries and space heaters are not for humans. They’re for our dear RR.”
“What?”
“These are for keeping the car functioning in cold temperatures. Given a Rolls Royce’s fuel consumption, you don’t really want to keep its engine running. So we have to use the batteries and tent heaters to keep the engine warm.”
Naz put a finger to her mouth. “Starting a car in cold weather is mainly a battery problem. Maybe we don’t need the space heaters – just the extra batteries will provide enough amperage?”
“Problem is everything else freezes too at minus sixty, including the lubricants and oil,” Stacy returned. “So the car has to be kept warm enough or it won’t work at all.”
…
Naz was shaking her head. She agreed with Stacy; she was just having some difficulty getting her head around the concept because she didn’t live in such cold places. Even though she was the engineer, Naz was not accustomed to thinking about such extreme cold. This was definitely something she had to read up about.
Even though Stacy had not lived in Siberia, she had heard stories about life from her Sakha grandfather.
“Oohhh…” Marilyn began.
“And the flamethrower also serves an important purpose,” Stacy said. “If the car freezes, you need a flamethrower to thaw the drive shaft.”
“Wow, I’ve learned something new,” Angel mumbled.
“You don’t do that in Kazakhstan?” Marilyn asked.
“Is that how Uzbeks view Kazakh climate?”
“Well, I can go about naked half the year in Tashkent,” Marilyn said casually.
“Do you?” Naz challenged.
Riley and Stacy turned to Marilyn. They didn’t say anything, but their eyes were going: Oho!
Marilyn hastily added: “uh, but I don’t, all right?”
“Sure you don’t, Marilyn, sure you don’t,” Naz said pleasantly.
“It was just that one time during my escape!”
Marilyn had been thinking quickly. Now she grabbed a straw.
“Besides, it’s normal to wear short sleeves in Uzbekistan. I bet you we had more people wearing short sleeves, than in the rest of the Soviet Union put together.”
“Yeah, short sleeves are close enough to being naked,” Riley said. “At least for me.”
“With your short sleeves, you are half naked too?”
“Sometimes I feel that way,” Riley smiled pleasantly.
Meanwhile Angel was talking to Stacy and Naz.
“As long as they don’t turn off the heating, it’s very comfy in Almaty,” Angel said.
“Comfy compared with where? Tbilisi? Sochi? Sevastapol?”
“Compared with being on the steppes.”
In the first place, this was why so many people lived in Southeastern Kazakhstan. The most pleasant part of a country with notoriously tough climate.
“Let’s hope we don’t need to go to the Sakha Republic,” Stacy shrugged. “At least, not in winter.”
“Any feelings about, um, your ancestral place?”
“I respect where my grandfather came from. Very challenging life,” Stacy said diplomatically. “But not everybody can manage it.”
…
As everyone was about to leave the garage, Riley thought of something.
“Wait, Naz, are you going to drive the car with the same number plates? Wouldn’t that allow the authorities to track us down very easily?”
“Problem has already been anticipated and solved,” Naz said. “We have seven sets of alternative number plates to share between our two cars.”
Marilyn smilingly went over to a shelf. “Here… just choose from one of these,” she said as she took number plates from the shelf.
B776YC / M987CE / T345PP/ B542OX/ K925BE/ K995AC/ 3701MO.
“Looks good to me,” Stacy said. “Thanks for introducing us to the Rolls Royce, Naz!”